Approving of yourself is everything.
It’s having your own back no matter what may happen, or no matter how you may mess up. It’s catching yourself with love and compassion. It’s been non-judgemental to yourself, believing and knowing that you are worthy. It’s about not rejecting or abandoning yourself, when you feel others may have done that. It’s knowing there is more to you than the surface level, but it’s not something you have to strive for; it’s more an allowance. It’s a whole-hearted connection to self, to your core and soul – the aspect of you that is timeless, ever present and complete. It’s having an unshakable faith that there is a higher force constantly supporting you. It’s learning the ability to not take anything personally. It’s means not rejecting or abandoning yourself. It’s about creating healthy boundaries that support and uplift you. It’s having the courage to call BS on your own stories, and feeling the inner pain that may be suppressed. It’s about building resilience and the capacity to pick yourself up, each and every time. It’s moving out of shame and into a total acceptance of what is/has been. It’s a coming home to your body, feeling safe and grounded. It’s an inner security and certainty that everything will be okay. It’s prioritising self-care. It’s a willingness to move into vulnerability, opening your throat chakra, and expressing who you really are. It’s the calm in the centre of any storm. It’s knowing both light & dark exist. It’s non-judgement. It’s switching the internal dialogue to one of kindness and encouragement. It’s the embracing of being fully human and growing through all challenges. It’s the ability to see through the illusions and circle back to your core truth. It means showing up in full authenticity in all aspects of your life. It’s prioritising your own needs and shifting from constant people pleasing. It equals to doing your best at all times, which will vary and look different at all times. It’s the discipline and commitment to create change. It’s the realisation that blame is futile and competition is not to be feared. It’s feeling your own divine Spirit. It’s allowing your greatness to shine, so others can do the same. It’s knowing we are all one, we are all from the same Source, and we are all connected. It’s connecting to the answers that lie within you. It’s being aware and conscious of our own energy and vibration. It’s knowing that you are the best authority over your body. It’s knowing that true wealth, happiness, love, joy & fulfilment come from within. It’s waking up to the responsibility you have for your life – you, and you alone, are in charge. It’s knowing that no one can take your power, unless you give it. It’s realising that someone else’s opinion of you cannot affect you, unless you allow it, or it touches an unhealed wound within you. It’s cultivating a loving relationship with yourself. It’s trusting that to give is to receive, one cannot happen without the other. It’s walking away, saying no, or leaving something that you know is not aligned with you, no matter how hard that is. It’s being comfortable with the uncomfortable. It’s knowing your worth and not selling out for anything less. It’s allowing Grace to fill every cell of your body. It’s taking all challenges and difficulties and processing your pain, not projecting it. It’s speaking your truth and being highly conscious with your words. It’s choosing love over fear, every single time. It’s long-term, long lasting fulfilment. It’s being curious about your thoughts, words, meanings, actions and beliefs, and not being afraid to question them. It’s moving out of victim and into empowered. It’s the willingness to learn and grow. It’s allowing yourself to be flexible and open-minded. It is all these and so much more than cannot be expressed in words. It’s a shifting to INSIDE OUT living. It’s the divine energy running through and overflowing from your being, filling your own cup first. It is the full embodiment of ‘I am enough’. It is pure unconditional love.
Are you starting to see yet why approving of yourself is so important?
There is nothing superior or righteous about it, quite the opposite in fact. When we do the work and remember the truth of who we are, then we see and know the same essence in every other single soul. You feel the connection between everyone and everything, even if the other is oblivious. We have to know and experience this first within ourselves. That’s how it goes. We can know a level of approval, validation and worth through the externals, but we can never know the full depth as it must start from within. Leaving it all in the balance of externals means we will constantly go through life feeling stressed, anxious, depressed, unfulfilled, less than, unworthy and not good enough to name just a few!
I remember years ago in an old job, I was feeling really undervalued, under appreciated and under paid. I had brought it up with my boss. I wanted a pay rise and we had pencilled in a chat.
Before our meeting, I spent so long creating arguments or cases for the amount of work I was doing, how well I was doing my job, how under paid I was and how under valued I felt etc. etc. I felt good going into the meeting. I felt confident and I knew I had a strong case.
As we started, the funniest thing happened. I was trailing off into my points and arguments with real assertion and confidence when suddenly my boss stopped me & said, ‘Okay, so tell me, what do you want?’.
I was dumbfounded, shell shocked. I actually hadn’t thought of this at all. Yes I had a quick google of people in my role and salaries etc, but I had spent the run up to the meeting creating ‘evidence’ of what wasn’t working, how badly I was being paid, and how much I wasn’t being valued etc, that I hadn’t actually stopped to think of what I actually did want (I mean we do this all the time in so many aspects of our lives – we focus on what’s lacking as opposed to tapping into what we truly want).
But on a much deeper level, this question really struck me because in my head he was the boss, he was the expert and he should be telling me what my value was worth! In my mind, he should have been telling me how much he was going to pay me based on the work I was doing.
It makes me laugh now. But this is what we do (often unconsciously until we wake up to it). We’re taught to build our value and self-worth from the externals. We look for approval and validation from others, in all aspects of our lives – whether career, relationships, society, peers – you name it.
We unknowingly put a price on this, and this price is always to the detriment our true self and inner wellbeing. As a result we feel we constantly need to be, do, perform or behave in certain ways in order to get this approval, otherwise we fear being rejected. We constantly alter, edit, censor and mould ourselves depending on the person, situation or scenario. The result? We have no bleedy idea who we really are, how could we! This is exhausting. This is depressing. This is not living.
In the above example, I would have been better spending my time doing some inner reflection, getting honest on what I truly wanted and being confident in pitching that. Then if that was something my boss/old job could meet – great – if not, then it was time for me to rethink my time with that company and potentially look elsewhere, where my needs could be met.
This is just a simple example but allowing these masks we put on to fall away, and building that self-approval from within shifts everything. It’s liberating. It feels so much easier (and it is so much easier) than trying to meet everyone else’s approval from the outside. This has been my experience and this is why I do what I do. I know there is another way and I know how damn good it feels, that it’s my job to share it with others looking to make the shift.
The questions to ask are;
Have you got your own back? Do you love and approve of yourself whole-heartedly? How are you looking for validation or approval from others? Are you allowing your greatness to shine in your life? What would be possible for you if you embraced your true self and didn’t settle for less? What if there was no more inner critic but a soothing, caring voice that encouraged you? What else is possible for you?
The truth is, irrespective of the level of approval and validation you have on the outside; if you don’t have it for yourself on the inside, it will never be enough. You will always feel empty or lacking, no matter how much harder you work, how much more you do, or how much more you gain! It is instant gratification, over long-term gain.